Kiss away my woes
by CastielAndTheBlueBox
Summary: Hearts hardened by life can draw together in the darkest of times.


Sam Winchester was not a vain man.

He was many things: kind, helpful, and at times easily angered. Troubled.

But never vain. Never had he looked in the mirror and seen those things about himself.

Dean saw them. Castiel saw them. But when Sam looked in the mirror, the eyes of a man broken by experience stared back.

* * *

Castiel was not an evil man.

Technically, he was not a man at all, but he'd spent enough time on earth that he had come to consider himself one.

He had done evil things. So many evil things. But always for the right reasons, or what he saw to be the right reasons, because in the end that was all he wanted.

To help people.

And, like every other boy, to make his father proud.

Because, at heart, Castiel was still the young fledgling who'd gone down to earth for the first time.

Who hadn't stepped on the fish, because his big brother told him not to.

* * *

Pain. In the end, that was all they had. When they had to numb themselves to the emotions that usually plagued man day and night, all they had was pain to remind themselves that they could feel. Even if it wasn't physical pain, it was still there, lurking

For Sam, it was the reminder that he was human, that sometimes he needed to feel. And yes, of course he felt towards people, but only a very select few.

It was a difficult path for him- everyone he loved, he lost. And he wasn't sure he wanted to live through that again. His mom had burned on his nursery roof, his girlfriend had died the same way twenty two years later, and then there was his dad (and yeah, he hated the guy sometimes, but he was still his dad).

He and Dean had lost each other so much that he'd lost count. He'd even lost Castiel, once or twice, and he wasn't sure how equipped he was with letting himself feel again.

Dean and Castiel were the only ones left who got any sort of sentiment.

And yeah, maybe his feelings towards one were a _little _more than platonic, brotherly. But that didn't matter. Right?

For Castiel, it was simple. It was the simple confirmation of the fact that whatever had been done to him in the past, he felt now. Towards people, he felt more than the love/hate that had been drilled into him in heaven. He felt emotions he didn't even know he was capable of stirring inside of him, now and then, and it was like a rush of feelings.

Ever since he'd become human, he'd begun to identify them, slowly but surely.

He knew what he felt with Dean- companionship. Friendship. Something that resembled comrades-in-arms; brothers.

And with Crowley, a hatred that seemed to burn from his neck to his toes, that made him want to kill the man (and he would have, but he had more self control than that).

And with Sam?

He wasn't quite sure what he felt for the human, but he was sure it ran deeper than what he felt for others he cared for. And, in ways he didn't want to face up to, it scared him.

* * *

"So..."

Sam always knows when Dean's preparing for a long chat. He's known it since he hit thirteen and his brother had told him to make sure he was out if he was bringing a chick home, and what to do if he decided he needed... personal time.

That had ended with the younger blushing and Dean smirking like he'd just won some kinda prize. Apparently, making his little brother blush was the highlight of his day.

Sam shut the book he'd been reading and turned in his chair, facing Dean with a raised eyebrow.

"What is it, Dean?" he asked, folding his arms and leaning against the table. His brother sat across from him, and he looked like the cat that got the cream.

"What's up with you and Cas lately? Did you finally get everyone's favorite angel into bed?" he asked, and Sam swallowed, before rolling his eyes, opening and looking back at his book.

"No." he answered, truthfully. He didn't, of course, mention that that had been the main focus of his fantasies recently.

"Mhm..." Dean muttered, just waggling his eyebrows before leaving, a smirk on his face. "Guess I'll have to go and ask Cas. He's even worse than you at lying."

"Wait... Dean... dammit." Sam muttered, the older brother having already left the room.

* * *

Castiel was frowning at a pot of mashed potato when Dean came in. The hunter stared at him before he looked up.

"Hello, Dean."

His voice was kind of frustrated, and a little confused.

"Hey, Cas. What's up?" he asked, and Cas sighed.

"Too many molecules..." he muttered, pushing the pot away.

Dean frowned, and almost questioned the angel, but closed his mouth again a moment later. He wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"So... you and Sam, huh?" he asked, and Cas visibly started, before looking up at him innocently.

"What do you mean?" he asked, tilting his head to the side, though the reddening of his ears suggested he was nervous. Dean took silent pleasure in that fact. It was gonna be _so damn easy_.

"Well, you had sex, right?" he asked, praying for a yes. But what he got was a shake of the head.

"No."

(But god, he had wished for it.)

Dean had to admit defeat, here. Clearly, Cas wasn't too bad a liar. Or, he wasn't lying. In which case...

"Right, yeah, whatever. Well. You should. Because the sexual tension in this bunker is too much for one guy to bear." he muttered, leaving Cas with his molecules, whatever the fuck that meant.

* * *

Sam bumped into Cas later, and it was embarrassing, considering he had an idea what Dean had said. He drew in a breath.

"Look, whatever Dean said... don't worry about it. Y'know I don't thank about you that way." he said, a tight smile spreading across his lips.

Castiel felt his heart sink, but he nodded.

"Yes, of course." he replied, softly, and Sam frowned. Did he sound... downtrodden?

He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it. If it was the silence that went over them, or the look on the angel's face, or the fact he'd been stopping himself from doing it so many times.

But when Sam Winchester pressed his lips to Castiel's, he'd never in his wildest dreams imagined he'd kiss back.

Sam Winchester was not a vain man, and Castiel was not an evil man.

They were men hardened by experience, and in that experience they could understand each other, and they did, kissing at the other's scars. Kissing until hardened hearts melted and they became _one, _if only for a little while.

And maybe pain was what they needed. But love worked too.


End file.
